The Warmth of Safety Nets; 

going to the nearest crowded bar to scream in each other's ears about our top philosophizes of the week

you order a drink to keep the bartender from staring at us

i order a soda so the bartender continues staring at us

it’s dim in here tonight and it’s a bit dangerous because people keep bumping into me

and it makes the candle on our table shake

and it’s not one of those battery-powered Barbie Dream House light sources

no,

this one is so seductive and real

a decoration of time and warmth

fire and its waving flame has me on a leash, so hypnotic.

with every stranger's bump, this flame jumps up to grab my attention, calling to be introduced to my hands and my eyes, and i begin to wonder what it’ll taste like

but i keep my hands to myself and reimagine how this is like the minimalistic version of a controlled bonfire

the ones where you come to just listen {and do!}

(pause)

[sound of fireplace cracking]

but i hate this candle’s lighting as it persuades me to step back from my vanity

and make peace with odd fragments of light hitting me in the most undesirable of places

but i’ll sort that out later when i decide to practice imperfections for the lore

after i close up my filing systems

i nod and resume my human listening behaviors i’ve learned from the Sims™ franchise.

the soda is flowing nicely and i am feeling insane

you’re still talking and im thinking about all the straws i grabbed earlier and stuffed in my bag

and how maybe that’s why the bartender is staring at us

but i’m listening mostly and correctly because my learned engaged facial’s expressions still have you finishing your thoughts 

i think i’m good at summarizing because i zone back in at the last sentence and you never question my comprehensive feedback.

sometimes i ask you to repeat yourself anyway because i think it’s good to rethink your internal thoughts as a thoughtful selfish person

and you do word it differently this time. as a  music listener; i pick up on that much

& the flame jumps some more, that attention whore,

but i’m more concerned about how loud it’s getting in here :/

we scream at each-other almost like we’re arguing and we are both soooo right

but outside this bar, we are so silent and observational. and also simultaneously correct within it all

i appreciate the change of pace but now my voice is hurting :c

who knew practicing extroversion requires safety nets and precautions 

if i knew what i’d known now, i would’ve listened more and asked you to repeat yourself less

i would’ve written down my philosophizes and we could’ve passed notes back and forth, furthering the paranoia of the nosy bartender like we’re in middle school and we are gossiping so well like its second nature and 1st reality  

we do this in my mind but we don’t really

we’re drained & i’m side-eyeing that candle i have so much chemistry with

before we go i wonder if i should take it with me

play with its wax or maybe just put it out with my fingers.

and the next pair who decides to sit at this table can have some trouble finding their seats

nowadays, i want my exits to be more unfortunate.